The Elephant and his Secret Tindink
“Hello Elephant”
Startled Elephant looked round. It sounded just like Secret Tindink yet all he could see was a very large fried egg smiling at him.
“Is that you, Secret Tindink” he asked 
“Of course” said Secret Tindink” What do you think of my disguise, I think it is my best yet. I’ll be REALLY secret in this”
“A five foot tall Fried Egg is going to be really inconspicuous” thought the Elephant, “Nobody at all will notice” but was too wise to say it out loud.
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Thanks to unsecret Tindink for use of her five foot tall fried egg for picture

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink

“Hello Elephant”

Startled Elephant looked round. It sounded just like Secret Tindink yet all he could see was a very large fried egg smiling at him.

“Is that you, Secret Tindink” he asked 

“Of course” said Secret Tindink” What do you think of my disguise, I think it is my best yet. I’ll be REALLY secret in this”

“A five foot tall Fried Egg is going to be really inconspicuous” thought the Elephant, “Nobody at all will notice” but was too wise to say it out loud.

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Thanks to unsecret Tindink for use of her five foot tall fried egg for picture

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink

“What are we doing here outside Buckingham Palace ??” asked Elephant.
“You remember what Cameron did to the Royal Air Force” replied Secret Tindink
“He scrapped all their Harriers and Nimrods” said Elephant
“You remember what Cameron did to the Royal Navy” continued Secret Tindink
“He scrapped their only Aircraft Carrier and any ship bigger than a rowing boat” said Elephant
“Well for the Army he got rid of the Brigade of Guards” said Secret Tindink
“Ooooooo” said Elephant.
“Then he realised their was no one to guard Buckingham Palace, so he pretended it was part of his Big Society plan and volunteers would do it” continued Secret Tindink
“I don’t remember volunteering” said Elephant.
“No, Nana Tourettes volunteered us” explained Secret Tindink
“What about our rifles?” queried Elephant.
“Cameron sold all those the Colonel Gadaffi, we have to make do with two old muskets from the Tower” explained  Secret Tindink.
There was a long pause.
“I like your Uniform, where did you get it?” asked Secret Tindink
“Eustace Clogiron did it with his Air Brush” replied Elephant
“He did mine as well” said Secret Tindink.
“It’s a perfect fit”  commented Elephant.
“Thank you Kind Sir” said Secret Tindink     

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink

“What are we doing here outside Buckingham Palace ??” asked Elephant.

“You remember what Cameron did to the Royal Air Force” replied Secret Tindink

“He scrapped all their Harriers and Nimrods” said Elephant

“You remember what Cameron did to the Royal Navy” continued Secret Tindink

“He scrapped their only Aircraft Carrier and any ship bigger than a rowing boat” said Elephant

“Well for the Army he got rid of the Brigade of Guards” said Secret Tindink

“Ooooooo” said Elephant.

“Then he realised their was no one to guard Buckingham Palace, so he pretended it was part of his Big Society plan and volunteers would do it” continued Secret Tindink

“I don’t remember volunteering” said Elephant.

“No, Nana Tourettes volunteered us” explained Secret Tindink

“What about our rifles?” queried Elephant.

“Cameron sold all those the Colonel Gadaffi, we have to make do with two old muskets from the Tower” explained  Secret Tindink.

There was a long pause.

“I like your Uniform, where did you get it?” asked Secret Tindink

“Eustace Clogiron did it with his Air Brush” replied Elephant

“He did mine as well” said Secret Tindink.

“It’s a perfect fit”  commented Elephant.

“Thank you Kind Sir” said Secret Tindink     

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink
As soon as I saw the above picture and accompanying article in The Royston Vasey Herald Tribune I made a point of seeing Secret Tindink as soon as possible. I ran her to earth in The Mason’s Arms getting ready for a Ladies Armwrestling Match.
" Hey yer daft bat, whatever possessed thee to jump out of t’airship just with them wings on" I asked. I tend to drop into the Yorkshire when I’m in The Arms so the regulars won’t think I’m putting on the posh.
"Hey up Cloggy" replied Secret Tindink, who’s a bit t’same way " Ar’s tha barn"
"Nobbut Middlin Dink, Fair to Middlin, and thee??" I replied
"Fair to good. Better nar that ar Joseph has arrived save and sound in OZ. Got some good lungs on him, could hear him all t’way from OZ  on’t phone"
"Nar abart this jumpin" I started
"Well folk know about t’Rocket Wing and kept askin if  I flew with the Steampunk ones so I thought I’d give it a go" she answered  " so I went up to t’airfield and got ‘em to take me up to 3000 feet and then I hopped out"
I should point out that Secret Tindink is Tindink Van de  Graaff, First Lady of LaLa Land and commander of a fleet of airships. Also apart from flying the Rocket Wing she has leapt through burning hoops in the circus and been fired from a cannon on a regular basis so she is not adverse to risk.
"They’re a bit lacking in wing area so I was a lot faster than I expected. I managed a few swoops and wing overs but I knew I would never get slow enough to land on t’ground" she continued " Muck or nettles Cloggy lad. So it was a case of Lord Vasey’s ornamental lake or the canal, T’canal tastes a lot better than t’lake so I went for that. Splashed in near Cellars Clough and some fishermen pulled me art and dried me off. So alls well that ends well"
"Yer a daft bat" I commented "Wheers t’elephant. Dun’t offen  see thee without him"
" He’s sulking. First he wanted to go up in’t airship. Bloody Graf Zeppelin could’nt get him off t’grarnd and which captain in their right mind ud want an elephant waving a cutlass in a fragile thing like an airship. Then t’other thing is he didn’t like me splashing down in’t canal  ’cos there’s always a lot of fuss and he goes on about me being supposed to be his SECRET Tindink. I should have done it on my day off when I can do what i want and not be secret. He’ll come round. I’m going away for a few days  so I’ll be really bloody secret as far as he’s concerned. Well lad  t’match is starting a’ll see thi later"

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink

As soon as I saw the above picture and accompanying article in The Royston Vasey Herald Tribune I made a point of seeing Secret Tindink as soon as possible. I ran her to earth in The Mason’s Arms getting ready for a Ladies Armwrestling Match.

" Hey yer daft bat, whatever possessed thee to jump out of t’airship just with them wings on" I asked. I tend to drop into the Yorkshire when I’m in The Arms so the regulars won’t think I’m putting on the posh.

"Hey up Cloggy" replied Secret Tindink, who’s a bit t’same way " Ar’s tha barn"

"Nobbut Middlin Dink, Fair to Middlin, and thee??" I replied

"Fair to good. Better nar that ar Joseph has arrived save and sound in OZ. Got some good lungs on him, could hear him all t’way from OZ  on’t phone"

"Nar abart this jumpin" I started

"Well folk know about t’Rocket Wing and kept askin if  I flew with the Steampunk ones so I thought I’d give it a go" she answered  " so I went up to t’airfield and got ‘em to take me up to 3000 feet and then I hopped out"

I should point out that Secret Tindink is Tindink Van de  Graaff, First Lady of LaLa Land and commander of a fleet of airships. Also apart from flying the Rocket Wing she has leapt through burning hoops in the circus and been fired from a cannon on a regular basis so she is not adverse to risk.

"They’re a bit lacking in wing area so I was a lot faster than I expected. I managed a few swoops and wing overs but I knew I would never get slow enough to land on t’ground" she continued " Muck or nettles Cloggy lad. So it was a case of Lord Vasey’s ornamental lake or the canal, T’canal tastes a lot better than t’lake so I went for that. Splashed in near Cellars Clough and some fishermen pulled me art and dried me off. So alls well that ends well"

"Yer a daft bat" I commented "Wheers t’elephant. Dun’t offen  see thee without him"

" He’s sulking. First he wanted to go up in’t airship. Bloody Graf Zeppelin could’nt get him off t’grarnd and which captain in their right mind ud want an elephant waving a cutlass in a fragile thing like an airship. Then t’other thing is he didn’t like me splashing down in’t canal  ’cos there’s always a lot of fuss and he goes on about me being supposed to be his SECRET Tindink. I should have done it on my day off when I can do what i want and not be secret. He’ll come round. I’m going away for a few days  so I’ll be really bloody secret as far as he’s concerned. Well lad  t’match is starting a’ll see thi later"

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink
"What are we doing at Goathland Station??" asked the elephant
"Catching a train to Whitby" replied his Secret Tindink
"What’s happening at Whitby" persisted elephant.
"Its the Elephant with a Secret XXXX weekend." explained Secret Tindink "It started as the Goth Weekend then Steampunk was added and now  Elephant with a Secret XXXX has been added”
Elephant pondered. ” How will I get there, I’ll never get through the carriage door”
“The North York Moors has thought of that and borrowed a set of 16 Ton Mineral wagons from The Great Central to carry the elephants” Secret Tindink  assured him.
"Will we know anybody?" Elephant was still not sure about all this
"Of course" said Secret Tindink "There will be Elephant with a his Secret Luceplace, Elephant with  his Secret Serina and maybe Elephant with his Secret Frenchtwist”
"Can I be an Air Pirate again, and wave my cutlass ??"asked Elephant.
" Of course, and have fish and chips from the Magpie Cafe”
" Yippee" Elephant trumpeted "Come on train"
Note:- Elephant’s weapon appears to be a scimitar and not a cutlass but who is going to argue with an elephant waving either?

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink

"What are we doing at Goathland Station??" asked the elephant

"Catching a train to Whitby" replied his Secret Tindink

"What’s happening at Whitby" persisted elephant.

"Its the Elephant with a Secret XXXX weekend." explained Secret Tindink "It started as the Goth Weekend then Steampunk was added and now  Elephant with a Secret XXXX has been added”

Elephant pondered. ” How will I get there, I’ll never get through the carriage door”

The North York Moors has thought of that and borrowed a set of 16 Ton Mineral wagons from The Great Central to carry the elephants” Secret Tindink  assured him.

"Will we know anybody?" Elephant was still not sure about all this

"Of course" said Secret Tindink "There will be Elephant with a his Secret Luceplace, Elephant with  his Secret Serina and maybe Elephant with his Secret Frenchtwist”

"Can I be an Air Pirate again, and wave my cutlass ??"asked Elephant.

" Of course, and have fish and chips from the Magpie Cafe”

" Yippee" Elephant trumpeted "Come on train"

Note:- Elephant’s weapon appears to be a scimitar and not a cutlass but who is going to argue with an elephant waving either?

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink
Elephant was rather dazed by the bustle at Comic-Con
"Who are you supposed to be?" he asked his Secret Tindink.
"Power Girl" replied Secret Tindink ."I shall blend in perfectly here. Nobody will notice me at all".
Elephant sighed. Secret Tindink would be noticed in a room full of Power Girls, already at least 30 people had stopped and photographed her.
"And who am I ?"  he asked.
 “PC.Plod” replied Secret Tindink
Elephant was satisfied with that. Anything was better than Secret Tindink’s original plan for Comic-Con. That she wear a fur bikini and he be disguised as a mammoth by gluing on fake fur and they go as ‘One Million Years B.C.’
"Hello, Hello, Hello" he said "What’s goin’ on here mi lad" and flexed his knees.

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink

Elephant was rather dazed by the bustle at Comic-Con

"Who are you supposed to be?" he asked his Secret Tindink.

"Power Girl" replied Secret Tindink ."I shall blend in perfectly here. Nobody will notice me at all".

Elephant sighed. Secret Tindink would be noticed in a room full of Power Girls, already at least 30 people had stopped and photographed her.

"And who am I ?"  he asked.

“PC.Plod” replied Secret Tindink

Elephant was satisfied with that. Anything was better than Secret Tindink’s original plan for Comic-Con. That she wear a fur bikini and he be disguised as a mammoth by gluing on fake fur and they go as ‘One Million Years B.C.’

"Hello, Hello, Hello" he said "What’s goin’ on here mi lad" and flexed his knees.

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink
" You look absolutely stunning today, Secret Tindink" said elephant
" Why thank you elephant" said his Secret Tindink " You  are looking very swish yourself"
" There’s just one thing " elephant continued " You are supposed to be my SECRET Tindink, yet you are the most eyecatching creature at Doncaster Races"
" Ah " said Tindink "I’m very secret during the week but today is my day off "
There’s no answer to that thought the elephant.

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink

" You look absolutely stunning today, Secret Tindink" said elephant

" Why thank you elephant" said his Secret Tindink " You  are looking very swish yourself"

" There’s just one thing " elephant continued " You are supposed to be my SECRET Tindink, yet you are the most eyecatching creature at Doncaster Races"

" Ah " said Tindink "I’m very secret during the week but today is my day off "

There’s no answer to that thought the elephant.

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink
"Hello Secret Tindink" said the Elephant to the mounted knight
“How did you know it was me ?”asked his  Secret Tindink ”You can’t see my face”
“ I recognised your perfume” replied the Elephant” Where did you get that outfit  from?”
“The Royston Vasey Amateur Dramatics” explained Secret Tindink “They’ve just done ‘Ivanhoe’
“You’re supposed to be secret„ you’ll stick out a mile in the chip shop queue” continued the Elephant
“One more word and this lance won’t  stick  out at all when I’ve rammed it ——-”  Secret Tindink stopped. I’m beginning to sound like Nana Tourettes she thought.
The Elephant sighed, he’d probably be better off with a Secret Nana Tourettes he thought miserably.

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink

"Hello Secret Tindink" said the Elephant to the mounted knight

“How did you know it was me ?”asked his  Secret Tindink ”You can’t see my face”

“ I recognised your perfume” replied the Elephant” Where did you get that outfit  from?”

“The Royston Vasey Amateur Dramatics” explained Secret Tindink “They’ve just done ‘Ivanhoe’

“You’re supposed to be secret„ you’ll stick out a mile in the chip shop queue” continued the Elephant

“One more word and this lance won’t  stick  out at all when I’ve rammed it ——-”  Secret Tindink stopped. I’m beginning to sound like Nana Tourettes she thought.

The Elephant sighed, he’d probably be better off with a Secret Nana Tourettes he thought miserably.

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink
"What’s all this then" asked the elephant
"It’s a Steampunk Convention" replied his Secret Tindink "Just blend into the background like I do"
"I’m the only elephant, how can I blend in" he grumbled
" There’ll be lots more elephants along later" Secret Tindink assured  the gullible elephant, having difficulty speaking with her tongue jammed firmly in her cheek ” I’ve had an idea. For Comic Com I’m going to glue fake fur all over you to make you into a mammoth, and I’ll wear a fur bikini and we’ll go as  One Million years B.C.”
The elephant groaned. He remembered being painted pink for the Manchester Pride Parade and then being upstaged by a large pink tank.  “What  am I supposed to be?” he  asked.
" An Air Pirate" replied Secret Tindink " Wave your cutlass about"
 A short time later elephant was at the centre of a large crowd, being photographed  waving his cutlass at a dozen  of Steampunk characters who   brandished various their Steampunk Weapons at him. Happy that he was a star at last.
Secret Tindink was happy too. Among the trade stalls she’d managed to find a leather corset that pushed her upwards and inwards until her dumplings were on the verge of boiling over.
"Just wait until the girls at the Cleavage Preservation Group see this" she said to the vendor " This’ll have their eyes popping out"  
"Be careful nothing else pops out" warned the vendor.
Secret Tindink went off to see how elephant was getting on. ‘Elephants from Outer Space ’ now that’s a possibility she pondered.——

The Elephant and his Secret Tindink

"What’s all this then" asked the elephant

"It’s a Steampunk Convention" replied his Secret Tindink "Just blend into the background like I do"

"I’m the only elephant, how can I blend in" he grumbled

" There’ll be lots more elephants along later" Secret Tindink assured  the gullible elephant, having difficulty speaking with her tongue jammed firmly in her cheek ” I’ve had an idea. For Comic Com I’m going to glue fake fur all over you to make you into a mammoth, and I’ll wear a fur bikini and we’ll go as  One Million years B.C.”

The elephant groaned. He remembered being painted pink for the Manchester Pride Parade and then being upstaged by a large pink tank.  “What  am I supposed to be?” he  asked.

" An Air Pirate" replied Secret Tindink " Wave your cutlass about"

 A short time later elephant was at the centre of a large crowd, being photographed  waving his cutlass at a dozen  of Steampunk characters who   brandished various their Steampunk Weapons at him. Happy that he was a star at last.

Secret Tindink was happy too. Among the trade stalls she’d managed to find a leather corset that pushed her upwards and inwards until her dumplings were on the verge of boiling over.

"Just wait until the girls at the Cleavage Preservation Group see this" she said to the vendor " This’ll have their eyes popping out"  

"Be careful nothing else pops out" warned the vendor.

Secret Tindink went off to see how elephant was getting on. ‘Elephants from Outer Space ’ now that’s a possibility she pondered.——