Arthur Blenkinsop, proprietor of  The Miry Lane Filling Station,  told our  reporter that his takings had quadrupled since Abigale Oglethorpe started working as pump attendant. Queues had built up right down Miry Lane and some drivers were just buying a couple of litres then rejoining the queue to be served again. The two local self service petrol stations reported very few customers.  As Arthur said “Who wants to do it yourself when Abigail will do it for you”

From HERE

ROYSTON VASEY NOTES & NEWS

To cope with the demand for VaseyCoin MasterLi has had to build a special VaseyCoin Mining Rig to keep up with the demand. Whatever it provides in the way of coin it certainly keeps his house nice and warm.

Incidently Pat O’Flanneler at the Mason’s Arms not only refuses to take VaseyCoin but never takes paper money. If it don’t jingle it don’t go in the till he says.

Behold VaseyCoin, Royston Vasey’s own custom cryptocurrency!

Off to a flying start with Miss Whiplash’s Massage Emporium being the first to accept VaseyCoin in exchange for it’s services.

Don’t let Bitcoin make a monkey of you, Go VaseyCoin.  Crime, speculation, wealth, greed and drama are all words that are associated with the Bitcoin. Thanks to the Massage Emporium, satisfaction is the word associated with VaseyCoin,

Big Brenda Bolinder, the Buxom Barmaid from the Mason’s Arms was due to appear in a TV commercial for the Ministry Of Health to promote eating 5 pieces of fruit a day. As you can see she was going to encourage the eating of pears. Here she is fooling about with her party piece of balancing a beer mug on her lactic shelf. The Ministry for Political Correctness stepped in here and said they could not use the word pear (quote)”as it could be confused with the word pair and may be construed as a reference to Belinda’s lactic appendages and offend some religious minorities as well as those of the female gender that lacked Belinda’s amplitude”.

At this point the Equal Opportunities Commission stepped in and said that in order to get woman equal rights with men the physical differences between them must be made as little as possible and that ideally it should be impossible to tell the difference between them. For Belinda’s benefit they were going to impose an order on her to make her conceal her differences so that she would not be discriminated against. 
At this point Belinda told them exactly where to shove their 5 pieces of fruit and said she would encourage all the customers at the Mason’s Arms to stick to their Pork Scratchings and Cheese and Onion Crisps.
The Equal Opportunities Commission told our reporter they were sorry she felt this way as it was for her own good.
The customers at The Mason’s Arms said “Vive Le Differance”, well those that could speak French did, The lads in the Tap Room urged Belinda to ” keep them dumplings boiling over”